


If Only

by POYOInformation



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Childhood Friends, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-28 01:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18201557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/POYOInformation/pseuds/POYOInformation
Summary: A kindhearted girl who was selfless to a fault would never be able to reveal her feelings. She would easily hurt herself a thousand times over to keep the girl that she loved happy.





	If Only

_“If only you were a guy. I would never let you go.”_

Even still, those words cut deeply into Udagawa Tomoe.

The drummer was never sure when her feelings towards Afterglow’s bassist turned from a close friendship to a raging crush. Maybe it was the time that they traversed through the school at night and the pair had to hold onto each other dearly in fear of the ghost. Maybe it was when they went to and were able to see Inoshima and see that incredible sunset. Maybe it was when Tomoe felt an absolute need to protect her.

Whenever it did happen, Tomoe was sure that the crush would pass. It might only last a few weeks, and things would just be back to normal. Every laugh wouldn’t sound make her heart flutter. Every hug wouldn’t linger. Every smile wouldn't send butterflies to her stomach. Then, things would be the same as always.

But alas, it has been nearly a year, and her heartache has only grown. Yet, she vowed herself to never tell a soul.

A kindhearted girl who was selfless to a fault would never be able to reveal her feelings. She would easily hurt herself a thousand times over to keep the girl that she loved happy.

{+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++}

“Toooo-mooo-eeeee!”

Himari curled up further into the covers in order to protect herself from the screen in front of her. However, the visceral screaming from the movie caused Himari to yelp in fear as she dove further into her makeshift “armor”. Of course, this caused Tomoe to brightly chuckle and roll her eyes.

“Come on, Himari, this isn’t even that scary. Weren’t you the one so excited about watching this an hour ago?”

By now, Himari had rolled herself in Tomoe’s blankets so much that it covered her entire body save for her head. A signature Hii-chan roll. If Moca was with them, the drummer was sure that she would make a joke about gobbling her with a side of miso soup.

“T-that was before I started watching this in the dark like this a-a-and the alien is able to do that to you and, ohmygod—”  
  
The taller teenager could only shake her head at the pinkette’s antics. She expected this to happen and tried to warn Himari, but the girl could be resolute in doing the same mistakes over and over. Though, she wasn’t annoyed about it.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Himari. It’s just a movie. Those things aren’t real, and they can’t hurt you, yeah?”

She stood up and walked up to the TV and pressed a button, turning the TV off and silencing the scream of a victim falling prey to the movie’s monster. “There. Is that better?”

She was met with a small whimpering from behind her, and when Tomoe turned, she found Himari on the verge of tears.

“O-oi!” Rushing to the side of the Hii-chan roll, she knelt so that their faces could be at the same level. “I already told you that I would protect you from anything and everything, and not even an alien like that is going to stop me. I promised you that, and when have I ever broken a promise?”

There was just the intense desire to make her feel better in any sort of way. She hated seeing Himari cry and only wanted to make her smile again. Even if the threat was fantastical, what Tomoe said was true to her heart. She wanted Himari to feel safe, even if she had to keep herself at arm’s length.

That seemed to stop the onset of Himari’s tears, and a small sniffle resulted, followed by a small smile to come. “Well, there was that one time when you promised to give me four chocolate chip cookies.”

Tomoe blinked. “Eh?”  
  
“You only gave me three. The fourth one was oatmeal-raisin.”

“You remember something that trivial?!”

“I have to have standards!! Oatmeal cookies shouldn’t even count as a cookie. They count as a negative cookie with how bad they are.”

“Why don’t you tell that to Tsugu the next time you see her, then?!”

“I couldn’t do that! That would break her heart!”

“If you don’t, I’ll convince Lisa-senpai to make you a batch of them instead.”

“Udagawa Tomoe. _You. Would. Not._ ”

The two would glare daggers at each other, and the intensity between their staring contest was enough to start a fire. If the younger Udagawa was there, she would likely describe the scene as a battle between two hellish dragons about to release their breaths of darkness at each other, with enough collateral damage to…

…

To uh….

To cause the world to fall under a horrible cataclysm!

However, it would crumble as Himari gave a loud yawn. The contrasting moods from the self-proclaimed “mood maker” brought on a roaring laughter from Tomoe, and Himari couldn’t help but laugh with her.

“HaHAHAHA, you looked so ridiculous with your pout!”

“Excuse me? Your eyes looked like they were looking into my soul or something.”

Tomoe snickered at this, but a wave of grogginess overcame her. She peeked at the digital clock in her room:

1:27.

She swore she could still hear Ako still playing NFO at this hour, but Tomoe didn’t really have the energy to scold her for playing this late.

“Hey, Tomoe--?” After what seemed like forever, Himari unfurled herself from the roll she got herself into and sat up on Tomoe’s bed.

“Yeah, what’s up, Himari?”

“Is it okay if you sleep with me tonight?”

The breath left her lungs when she heard that, and a small blush overcame her. Thankfully, the darkness of the room would make it much harder to see the tinge of her cheeks.

“Uh, w-why do you need to do that?”

“Because, I’m still a little scared, and I just need to have someone’s arms around me tonight.”

 **Someone’s.**  Not  **yours.**

Well, she was her best friend, so this had to be something that friends did, right? Besides, there wasn’t really anyone else to hold Himari in her sleep.

“Alright then. Here.”

The taller girl crawled into her bed and Himari followed. They settled themselves in, and Tomoe lied on her side with her arms around Himari’s waist in front of her. The two were so close that Tomoe could swear that Himari would be able to feel Tomoe’s heartbeat.

Which, of course, was racing.

Tomoe knew that the bassist was soft to hold like this, but now it held an entirely new meaning. Now she was paying attention to all the small details. How each curve felt against her arms. How her abdomen moved to the rhythm of her breathing, which she noticed was slower than her own. How her pink hair had both the aroma of lavender from the shampoo she always used and the usual scent of Himari that Tomoe was used to. How Himari was tracing her fingers around her arm, drawing formless designs.

“Goodnight, Tomoe. You’re the best.”

How she wished she could have just said her feelings right then and there. How she wished she could just turn her around and kiss her and pour out all the feelings that she has kept bottled up inside her. How easy it would be to do either one of those things.

But then what if she rejected her? What if Himari pushed her away instead? What would happen to their friendship? What would happen to Afterglow? What would happen to Tomoe?

Suddenly, the movie that they watched wasn’t so scary anymore.

_If only she were a guy._

“Goodnight, Himari.”

Sleep took her over, reluctantly.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, if you made it down here, thank you for reading! This is one of my favorite pairings, and I love their dynamic together. 
> 
> This is inspired from another TomoHima fic that dealt with this sort of barrier between Himari and Tomoe, and I wanted to take my crack on exploring how this would play out.
> 
> More shall come, don't worry. This is my first fic so please let me know if you think there's anything I can improve on, and yeah!


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